deepresonance ask yourself: what is this?

As I sat staring at the fire I wondered where I needed to go next.  Which direction to choose for my life?  Having somebody to talk to was so assuring.  Somehow being near her made me feel more grounded and solid.    Things made sense and it calmed down the waves of my soul.  It was as if all the sediment could settle in the calm waters.  It allowed me to see myself and the world clearer.

 

"Where should I go next?  How do I know if I'll make the right choice?  How do I know how the choices I make now will affect my life?  I am tempted to ask you to tell me what to do!"

 

She turned to me and smiled silently. She stretched towards the fire and carefully placed another piece of wood in the flames.  "Of all the questions you could have asked you almost picked the worse one." she calmly said with a hint of mischief in her voice.  "Of course we can make truly bad decisions and then have to deal with their consequences - like putting your hand in this fire.  These are often simple questions to figure out.  The real interesting questions are never that easy to figure out."  She sat down against the wooden log in the dirt next to me.  "In most cases you will never know.  Let's say you miss a dream job interview because you took a wrong turn on the way to the appointment.  Did you ruin your own life because you did not plan your route properly, or did you maybe save it by missing a fatal accident with a big truck a few blocks later?  You can only see the results of the choices you actually make and never of the alternative futures of choices you didn't.  It is a bit unfair to always assume a better potential alternative.  At least then have the integrity of reasoning to discuss both positive and negative alternatives then."  She turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes.  

 

"You are not allowed to see that clearly…"  She paused for a moment.  "…and would you want to?"

 

"A much more interesting question instead of where to go is rather how to go.  Where you are heading in life is often much less important to how you choose to live each day.  What compromises are you making?  What are you standing for?  Who are you inspiring?  Who are you hurting?  Are you being true to your heart?  What are you sacrificing?"  

 

Her voice softened as her mischievous smile returned. "An even more interesting question once your start asking yourself where and how questions, is to rather ask when questions.  It is often really hard to see yourself in time.  To have fair and true representation of yourself in this world as you move through time.  Most of the how and where choice mistakes are made, because of when issues.  We try and compensate for mistakes we made in the past that we haven't forgiven ourselves for.  We try to shield ourselves from fear we harbor about what we think will happen in the future."

 

"My old friends fear and desire again…" I interrupted as she placed the small kettle on coals on the side of the fire. "Yes!" she confirmed as she got up heading towards the camp kitchen to fetch cups for the tea, "It is much more intriguing to ask when to go and much wiser to worry about the *how* part of your life." 

 

from converstations at the end of the world